Missing Buffalo State Student Found, Ls3 6l80e Swap, What Is Ose Ifa, Rick Steves' Walking Tour Of The Louvre Museum Analysis, Articles D

Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. In case he got a hole in one! And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. 19. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. 3. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Because they might get a slice. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? The lowest score wins. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. -Bob Hope A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Golf is like doing your taxes. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. When is it too wet to play golf? So that you can share them back, with the whole world. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 1. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Tahiti who? Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Why a carrot as a logo? Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. 7. 4. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. 2. It can be difficult. Jack Benny. Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. You okay with that? Funny Family Poems. Palmer calmly said, What the hell do you want it to back up for?. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. 2. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Thats incredible. That's mispronounced Spanish for cat which is another word foryou get the idea. Fore! All of them. What is a golfers favorite bird? Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Because her coach was a pumpkin. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? It bends a little to the left. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Man: Please dont go. He attacks it. If a bird sh#ts on your golf cart, do not ever take her golfing again. Hey would you like what you're hiding in your tight jeans to be the 34th ranked golfer in the world because I can make that V-jay sing? It will test your patience. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? At the golf corpse! Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Do you share these funny golf jokes? fodrizzle. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. Nuts! Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. Golf is a compromise between what your ego wants you to do, what experience tells you to do, and what your nerves let you do. Bruce Crampton making us think more than wed like to. I`m really worried about myself. P-U-T-T means merely a futile attempt to do the same thing.. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Find the ball. They dont have the heart for it. Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Im the best. 1. Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Lorena Bobbit stealing your putter! Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! I collected hilarious jokes about golfing; some are very clean and others are like an old golf ball: pretty used and dirty. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. ~ Sijin Bt. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". I stepped on a rake. Whats the difference between golf and sex? Twelfth son of the Lama. A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. Wanna be my caddy? I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? He said. Think the shot through in advance before you address the ball. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. - Mickey Mantle. -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. If you break 80, watch your business.". And it's damn funny. Weve all been humbled by this game and have learned that a sense of humor can be the most important club in the bag. Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. had to choose, right ? You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Flat edges for shelf-sitting Full Text: And yet another day has passed and I did not use algebra once. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. When they reach the 9th fairway, the young man is facing a tough shot. 1. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Funny Golf Quotes You know you're on the Senior Tour when your back goes out more than you do. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Do you know what the Lama says? James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Your fifth putt. Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. 3 / 10. My drives aren't always long and straight. I told my coach I got a new set of clubs for my wife. I've got some good news. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. . Golf is a lot like life. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. 20. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. 3. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. Such is the game. John shouts back in a nervous voice, Throw me my 8-iron! Drop some in the comments! After shooting 30 over par after 18 holes, Jim is on his way home from the 18th having a chat with his Karen. Your email address will not be published. These funny golf quotes and images coming from famous wise people are the most precious words worth sharing. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Its almost a law. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. All lip, no hole. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Please accept the terms of our newsletter. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Just in case they get a slice! "Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at.". The end. "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." And three, have a passion for what youre doing. Juli Inkster, 28. You are signed up for our newsletter! Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. It was glorious when you did! Any birdie will do. I'm pretty good with my short putts. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? They have a hard drive. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. See you in the Email! Consenting to these technologies will allow us to process data such as browsing behavior or unique IDs on this site. 2. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. Required fields are marked *. 5. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. I play Bass. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. 8. After some deliberation, he takes out his 3 iron and sails the ball 20 feet over the pin, and backs it up to within 3 feet of the pin. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. Correct one fault at a time. Damn, girl. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Hi there! I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Are you a water hazard? Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! For true success, it matters what our goals are. Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? The battle that raged inside each players head. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? If you break 80, watch your business. Because it would interrupt their tea time. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. If we . The Dalai Lama himself. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Why dont skeletons play golf? The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . Its just really hard to play. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Basketball is a sport for black men. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. 3. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? How do you know you should be a golfer? I give him the driver. 4. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. I give the ball some sweet talk. Happy Gilmore. The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance." Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. To some golfers, the greatest handicap is the ability to add correctly. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. Andy. Do you know why the game is called golf? No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." document.getElementById("copyright_year").innerHTML = new Date().getFullYear(); We do our best to represent colors accurately, but viewing screens vary from one to another, and from real life. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Noah. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. What Is The Difference Between a Golf Skirt and a Tennis Skirt? The true funniest golf quotes of all time are likely never put to paper and aren't spoken by golfers or celebrities. no! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? Sir W.G. "I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles.". Nay! I'm hoping to be a sore loser." Related: Best Ways On How To Flirt With A Guy Over Text? But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Your email address will not be published. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over.